Recognize Your Own Emotional Reaction

Conflict triggers our defense mechanisms. This can be because we feel someone's beliefs directly threaten our interests, or because we feel our beliefs are being challenged. The more strongly we feel about a particular idea, the stronger those defenses are likely to be. It's only once we're aware that we're in a heightened emotional state that we can take steps to calm our bodies and engage in productive conversation.

Don't Let Anxiety Rule the Conversation

When we rush into a challenging conversation reactively, anxiety and anger can derail us and jeopardize our relationships and desired outcomes. Take some time to physically calm yourself. Simple breathing exercises have been shown to help reduce in-the-moment stress and help us think more clearly. That being said, anticipation can also increase anxiety, so don't put hard conversations off for too long.

Seek to Understand, Even If You Disagree

Instead of trying to convert the other person to your viewpoint, make an effort to understand how this person may have developed certain perspectives. Our life experiences are all different, but until we understand the other person's experience we can only imagine their decision making process through our own lens. When we learn what experiences have shaped the other person, we can understand their "why" even if we disagree on the "how."

Challenge Ideas, Not People

Once we can come to deeply empathize with a different perspective, we can begin to offer up new solutions that meet our common needs. The key here is to challenge the idea, and offer up alternatives, not to condemn the person simply because they have a different view. In this collaborative model, you begin to work together against an issue, instead of working against each other.

QUICK SUMMARY:

Conflict is a natural part of life. Learning the skill of handling difficult conversations can help us navigate the challenges of life, and build stronger, more respectful relationships.