The Overwhelm is Normal.

First thing’s first, overwhelm doesn't come out of the blue. According to the latest research by the American Psychological Association, the unique and ever-evolving stressors of our world have put our brains in “constant risk assessment” mode. About one third of adults are currently experiencing levels of stress that make it hard to navigate even the most basic daily decisions, like what to have for lunch. This is especially true for younger adults (Millennial and Gen Z), parents, and people of color.

Notice Your Expectations

Our minds are constantly filled with expectations for what we should be doing. Sometimes these expectations reflect things we genuinely want, and sometimes they come from outside ourselves (think social media, clients, dependents, even friends). No matter where these expectations come from, when we don't meet them, the shame and stress kicks in. We even actively avoid self-kindness because we often fear that if we accept ourselves as we are, we’ll never get to where we’re supposed to be.

Hit the Reset Button

Research suggests that simply by looking at our circumstances with self-kindness, we signal to our brains that change is possible. This motivates us to move forward which, in turn, fosters resilience and self-confidence. Here are a few practical examples of how to look at common stressors through the lens of self-compassion, as well as an activity for how to take a self-compassionate reset approach to any area of your life.

Reset Your Approach to Sleep
Have you been tossing and turning lately? Research shows that acceptance can actually be the answer. Try accepting rest, rather than sleep. Lay down and pay attention to your breath. This simple act can calm your nervous system, make it easier to drift off, and even improve short-term cognitive performance similarly to sleep. If that’s still not working, instead of forcing it, get up and try to do something relaxing like read, meditate, journal, or make a cup of tea.

Reset Your Approach to Goals
Achieving goals is always a journey. When our bodies and minds are dealing with heightened demands of stress, it can feel like they’re veering us off track, especially when those goals require willpower, new ways of thinking, and new habits. Write down the things in your life that are causing you stress, but write them in the third person (“He/She/They are dealing with…” vs. “I am dealing with…”. Then write down all the things you’re also trying to accomplish, again in the third person. By writing things down in this way, it can help us to see our situation more objectively and notice where we have some extra room for self-compassion.

Quick Summary:

We’re all dealing with a lot in this modern world. When the demand and expectations start to pile up, it’s time to hit the reset button. No matter what you want to reset, self-kindness is one of the most powerful tricks for beginning again.