INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT
Life looks different for each of us. These different experiences shape how we see and think about the world. Let’s dive into how to build healthy relationships with people of differing perspectives. We’ll discuss interpersonal conflict, conflict styles, conflict avoidance, and tips for conflict resolution.
otg crash course: HAVING HARD CONVERSATIONS
Difficult conversations present themselves throughout our lives, whether it be in the form of a social media post, or a difficult conversation in the office. One of the most common kinds of difficult conversations are those that arise out of interpersonal conflict: a state of disagreement between people or ideas.
When our wants, beliefs, needs, or desires are different from someone else's, conflict arises. We can even have internal conflict when we want, believe, or need more than one thing. So how do we deal with the challenges that come with communicating about conflict? Here's what the research tells us:
Recognize Your Own Emotional Reaction
Conflict can trigger our defense mechanisms or conflict avoidance. When we feel someone's beliefs directly threaten our interests, or we feel our beliefs are being challenged, our defenses go up. The more strongly we feel about a particular idea, the stronger those defenses are likely to be. It's only once we're aware that we're in a heightened emotional state that we can take steps to calm our bodies and engage in productive conversation and examine our conflict styles.
Don't Let Anxiety Rule the Conversation
When we rush into a challenging conversation reactively, anxiety and anger can derail us and jeopardize our relationships and desired outcomes. Taking some time to physically calm yourself is a good example of a good first step to take in how to deal with interpersonal conflict. Simple breathing exercises have been shown to help reduce in-the-moment stress and help us think more clearly. That being said, anticipation can also increase anxiety, so don't put hard conversations off for too long.
Seek to Understand, Even If You Disagree
Instead of trying to convert the other person to your viewpoint, make an effort to understand how this person may have developed certain perspectives. Our life experiences are all different, but until we understand the other person's experience we can only imagine their decision-making process through our own lens. When we learn what experiences have shaped the other person, we can understand their "why" even if we disagree on the "how."
Challenge Ideas, Not People
Once we can come to deeply empathize with a different perspective, we can begin to offer up new solutions that meet our common needs. The key here is to challenge the idea, and offer up alternatives, not to condemn the person simply because they have a different view. In this collaborative model, you begin to work together against an issue, instead of working against each other.
It’s Okay to Cheat
Creating and referring to notes as you navigate interpersonal conflict creates a clear goal, and pausing to regroup and manage conflict styles can actually help to regulate and refocus your emotions and attention.
SPEND TIME SLOWING DOWN
Take time to check in with your own needs
Sometimes conflict is external, but sometimes it comes from within. Journaling is a highly effective tool to help create clarity in your mind amidst competing priorities. Try these prompts:
WHAT AM I GRATEFUL FOR?
Gratitude journaling improves our mood and outlook. It's a simple way to identify the things in life that make you truly happy, and put more attention there.
WHAT AM I PROUD OF?
Looking back on our achievements helps us gain the motivation we need to keep going. Spend some time acknowledging yourself for what you've accomplished.
WHAT MAKES ME FEEL RESTED?
We often ignore the signals our brain and body send us telling it's time to rest. Take some time to identify what activities actually make you feel rested and joyful, not just distracted.
READING LIST: COMMUNICATION
Brush up on your communication skills in life and work with these reads by psychologists and communication experts.
FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE
How Conversations Go Wrong and What You Can Do to Right Them By Holly Weeks
POWER OF POSITIVE CONFRONTATION
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